Satisfaction! |  The Punter Becomes The Punted

I'm part Irish, so March comes in like a lamb and goes out like a six-week bender. Once I found my bearings, and my office, and my pants, it dawned on me that, in fact, they weren't my pants. But they fit and there was a $20 bill in them, so losers weepers. Anyway, among the many things I misplaced was not the Desktopper, because it was never placed in the first, um place. Screwed!

Well, if H'wood has taught us anything it's that hot girls always relent to the stalker geeks by the end credits, so it was time to throw some rocks up against the cheerleader's window. And run before her jock boyfriend and the rest of the football team show up to run over my bike, set fire to my homebrew robot, and push me into the mud because I forgot my place in the societal foodchain. If only I had noticed that my lab partner was like twenty times hotter when she removed her horn-rimmed cokebottle glasses and undid her pigtails. Man that was a great prom, and I really learned that it's what in your heart that counts. "I reach out from the in-siiiiide....". Huh, where was I? Oh yeah -- it was time to vouchsafe unto Despair another Complain-O-Gram!

On another note, I also found a soiled condom in the other pocket of those pants. Karma can eat me during Lent.


From: Brian Moore
Subject: Re: [Ticket #: 1016279]
Date: 4 May 2004 14:57:32
To: Despair Customer Disservice

Recently I've found myself enjoying life: food tastes better,
the redolence of flowers in bloom, the chirping of birds
reminding me of life's little pleasures. This turn of events
crept upon me slowly, such that the change in my normal sour
demeanor was imperceptible. Then it happened: yesterday I
found myself smiling at a child, and then I knew: something
was terribly, terribly wrong.

Naturally, I went into full panic mode. Did I have a brain
tumor? Was there Thorazine in the coffee? Had I accidentally
bought alcohol-free gin? The horror enveloped me, until I
looked on my desk. And there it was, failing to do its job:
my desktopper, damaged in transit. Its replacement has still
to arrive!

So I pull my self from work (no really -- I was doing WORK
ferchrissakes) to fire off an e-mail to your company, saying
that my replacement desktopper has yet to arrive lo these
many weeks. I harbor no ill will -- which in and of itself
is a shocking shift in attitude for me. I'm sure the
"customer" "service" "agent" with whom I exchanged e-mails
before took due diligence, even getting as far as filling
out the requisite paperwork for my replacement. I'd be
willing to bet you will confirm that, should they ever find
his body.

Anyway, here I am, un-demotivated.

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Brian D. Moore|
Ph.D. Research Associate|"The optimist thinks that this is the best
Rice U. Dept. of Phys & Ast|of all possible worlds, and the pessimist
6100 Main St.|knows it." -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
Houston, TX 77005-1892|
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Satisfaction! |  The Punter Becomes The Punted