There Is No God: Exhibit 52B |  Or Not!

Satisfaction! Oh man, this is great! The system works! Less than thirty minutes after I send my e-mail I get a personalized response! Woo-hoo! And it doesn't dawn on me for at least another hour that the guy who wrote it works at a place whose sole purpose in life is to deliver the soul-crushing message that work and accomplishment is futile! How can they do that! Hey, maybe all of their Desktoppers have been irreperably damaged by the awesome power of American optimism! Which means that they are yet another soulless corporation that cynically exploits the malaise of others for the Almighty buckaroonies! Which means that their products must be tainted by the foul stench of Corporitis! So they can't be damaged! Uh oh! I can't stop using the exclamation point! Oh flapjacks, I overdid my Paxil dosage! Where did I put the 5pt font contraindication information that came with the prescription!


From: Despair Customer Disservice
Subject: [Ticket #: 1016279] Re: Score one for entropy
Date: 23 March 2004 11:44:00
To: Brian Moore

Hello Dr. Moore,

You know, I have to say that I think you're barking up the
wrong tree. We're not to blame for the broken desktopper --
physics is, and clearly that's more your forte than mine.
(I was an English major in college, and all I remember from
my physics class, besides the "F" I eventually received, is
that force equals mass times acceleration -- or perhaps not,
after all, I failed.) So why not ask for a sweet university
grant to research this phenomenon? I predict it would look
good on your vita, thus ensuring you a sweet tenured position
at the university of your choice.

The desktopper arrived broken on purpose, for all the
metaphorical reasons you suggested in your original message.
But in spite of the fact that my boss has forbidden me to
help customers in any way, and despite the fact that Rice
used to beat my alma mater (Texas A&M -- and yes, the
stories are all true, and no, I've never gone cow-tipping)
in basketball regularly, I've decided to help you anyway.
I'm sending you a Burnout desktopper that should arrive
intact -- as my grandpa would say, God willin' and the
creek don't rise. As for the broken one, we'd like you to
keep it as a token of our shipping department's incompetence.
Rest assured, there's going to be some firing today.

At any rate, thanks for your great message, which gave me
an excuse to write this overly long email rather than go
out to the warehouse and sort t-shirts. Such is the life
of an Aggie English major. Take care and say hi to Ken Lay
for us, should you run into him somewhere in H-Town.


Thanks,

Mike S.
Despair, Inc.
:-(



There Is No God: Exhibit 52B |  Or Not!